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The problem you don't talk about

I'll just get right to it: You poop, and sometimes you poop funny.

Funny poop? What, like clowns or something? Nope. While a pooping clown is funny, that's not it. The big secret is that at least several times a week, you get what I euphemistically call "the urgent squirts". Sometimes, you just HAVE TO POOP NOW, and it leaves the premises in a jet-like manner. Then it's gone for a few days. Medically, it's only diarrhea if it occurs on a few consecutive "sittings", so what was it?

It leaves you searching for a cause. Sometimes it was the morning coffee, the gallon of cheap beer the night before, or the dozen iffy enchiladas you bought from a small smelly man on the back of a truck. But other times... a little voice just says "you will poop now", the spattering begins, and there is no cause apparent.

Judging by the condition of the bathrooms at work, I'm not alone in this.

Though I have not done a double blind study to back this up, I think I know the cause of most of these incidents: meat. And I don't mean undercooked or spicy meat, just plain meat, with beef and pork leading the pack.

My evidence? Personal experience and a few similar stories. I'm not claiming this is a fact, it's just a working hypothosis.

Two years ago I went "nearly vegetarian": no beef, pork, poultry, lamb, etc, or any of their byproducts (broth, stock, lard, ...). Within a week and a half I noticed I total lack of squirtage.

Since then, just about the only times I've gotten ye olde Dire Rear is when I actually had diarrhea, such as when I took antibiotics or had the flu.

Of course, one possibility is that my fiber intake went up because I replaced the meat calories with higher fiber vegetables, fruits, grains, beans, etc. I can't disprove that, but I doubt that's it because meat did not make up a large portion of my calories. I ate something with meat in it nearly everyday, but most of my meals were plant-based did not contain meat. So stopping meat did not leave a big calorie difference to fill with "better foods".

Any current meat-eaters want to experiment? Try two weeks with no meat, and report on the quality of your stool. Besides the obvious steak and pork chops, it's very important that you don't eat any meat ingredients or byproducts like fat(lard), stock, and broth as well. So watch ingredient lists and watch out for food cooked in restaurants which is made with meat juices or animal fat.

If you want to try, and let me know if you had poop improvements. It's in the interest of science.





2005-5-25